Everything I Know About Conflict Resolution I learned in Women's Ministry

I love women and I've had enough exposure to conflict in secular settings to know in the church we are quite tame. The trouble is, trouble in the church seems more distressing. We think we should know better, so the division seems deeper. And when conflict involves leadership it can affect everyone. Let's face it, when you have a room full of women who are articulate and called by God, honey you've got passion! Where there is passion the potential for conflict increases. If we didn't deeply care about what we are doing, we'd probably not even bother to disagree.
What are some practical steps we can take when we find ourselves in troubling situations? In the leadership training called Conflict Resolution, Shirley Moses gave us some good advice for when we are in the midst of strife. First understand conflict arises when:
· We cannot control a situation
· Our rights are threatened
· Our self-esteem is threatened
· Others do not value us
· We fear of change
Some of us hope we can successfully handle conflict by not handing it, but conflict will come as sure as our call to leadership. It seems to be part of the deal, that overlooked fine print. Sure enough, there it is. So, Take a breath. Step back and ask:
· Why has God allowed this?
· How much time/effort will this take?
· What could I lose?
· Is this a repeat problem?
· Do I have authority?
The day I took the class on conflict I was hoping to gather some of those cleaver comebacks you never seem to have enough of when the situation gets tense. Or maybe I'd get confirmation that I was right most of the time, but only needed to be more assertive! Straight out of the instructor's mouth came these awful words, "EXAMINE YOURSELF!" Ouch, that hurt. She called the next section "Barriers to Conflict Resolution, Are You Guilty of Any of These?"
· Do I always think I am right?
· Do I think ahead instead of listening?
· Do I interrupt or answer too quickly?
· Do I only partially listen?
· Do you keep score and refuse to budge because you lost the last argument?
· Does your mind wander when the other person is talking?
· Am I being judgmental?
· Do I put people on guilt trips?
I thought, what business is it of hers anyway? It isn't, but we do have business before a God who holds us to a tougher standard as leaders. And James does refer to the way we use our mouths. Let us consciously decide to honor God and:
· Hear others out completely
· Establish eye contact
· Watch body language
· Repeat back what you heard
· Ask questions
· Call the person by name
· Be a role model
· Consider which things can be reconciled
How much should I give? After all, giving in at any price, may keep the peace, but it doesn’t protect the truth. The truth is, the person standing toe to toe with you may be one of the following difficult people:
· Chronically Arrogant and strong willed
· Congenitally Belligerent
· Upset from the Womb, mad, and disruptive
· Non negotiators, not a team player
· Nitpickers who always find fault
· Wheedlers, whiney and not very positive
· Yes- buters
Meeting the challenge of conflict with a Biblical response is called for especially when a person is difficult. It should include:
Waiting, Praying, Counting the Cost
Checking attitudes
Confronting Face to Face
Asking for clarification
Seeking points of agreement
Brainstorming solutions
Taking Time out
Agreeing on action
Asking for or give forgiveness
Matthew 18 reminds us to first confront the person yourself. Then if needed, go with another person. Last of all, you go to those in authority. Remember as God's children we are called to love one another. By grace we can, because by grace we are forgiven ourselves.

Forgiveness

Does it have a feel?
Then I have tasted it
Is it lined with tears
Than I have paid for it

It costs me more
But He assures
its weight He bore
for all of us.

I heard it in the wind
sweeping through my hair
recited line by line
each break and tear

It hoovers over me
it sang in the song he sings
it praises Him and then
releases everthing

everthing that I have ever known
looks like all the scars He bore
And come here again
and ask for more, more

And the weight He bore
comes and again
and releases more, more
And the weight He bore
makes me know more, more

That life is fragile
and I have no real answer
and it doesn't seem to matter
in the weight He bore

Flower Power

More blessing from my house

I make it sound like my house does the blessing. It is really God. I knew I had these plants, I thought maybe they were Iris, but until this week I didn't know. And if the were I didn't know what color.

No marigolds

dusty miller

periwinkle

bulbs were bothersome

didn't like geraniums

roses too much trouble

If I had a catalog

I

Could

name

them

all.

For an Iris?

I

would

never, ever

Ask.

Literature Assignment: Reader Response Three - Personal Coat of Arms

The third Reader Response for my literature class is to read a group of text from our text book, Text Book: Writing Through Literature and create a Personal Coat of Arms. I put my fertile mind to work and decide to take it to the next level or so and do three things. I will create my crest in PhotoShop because I am a graphic designer and that is what I do. Taking it to the next level is what I have learned to do at UTD in Arts and Humanities in the Fine Arts Department. Blame them.

In the readings this week, "Names and Professions" by A. A. Roback, I learn that originally names were a reflection a man’s occupation. So the process I use for this assignment will reflect mine. This process is a traditional way I make Christmas cards. The process is a secret, but meaningful to me. The next thing I will do is blog the whole process. This is another tradition. I blog my Christmas card art whether it is the computer quilt process I am using in the coat of arms or watercolor. I am also going to comment on the text because I am a writer and writers also have an opinion on EVERYTHING.

I am the curious type, so I look up my family crest. My maiden name is West. It is Irish and here is our crest. I thought I might let this influence me.

From a site called All Family Crests

Significance of colors and animal in the crest

Gold: Generosity

Green: Hope, Loyalty

Black: Constancy, Grief

The Leopard: Valiant and Enduring Warrior

We are to take this simple coat of arms outline. Answer a few questions and illustrate our answer.

First question 1. Something that you feel you contribute to the lives of others.

I decide to use a recent photo I took on my lunch break. It represents the way I see the world. I hope I bring life, beauty, passion and art to the lives of others. I love tulips. They remind me of my childhood in Ohio. Tulips symbolize perfect love. The red tulip in particularly symbolizes true love.

We read from the text about Romeo and Juliet. The text is the famous balcony scene when Juliet laments her separation from her true love. Their names point to the fact that she is in love with her enemy. Romeo overhears her lament and denies his name in order to reveal his love. His name becomes beloved. Ah the dilemmas we call love.

Second Question: Something that you dislike, hate, or find troublesome. This was very easy to decide. I hate gossip. I have been extremely hurt by it. I have to admit it has unfortunately shaped my life. For the most part, for a long time I remind silent. That is the title of this self portrait; Silence. It is what someone should do when tempted to spread falsehood or things they know thing about but have no business repeating.

Third Question: Something you have accomplished.


One of the biggest accomplishments of my life is not something I did alone, but am a part of. I was instrumental in the concept design of a very large stained glass window for my church. I am writing a book about it.

Fourth Question: What is something you really want.

I want to finish this painting. It is called, The Way Home. It is a work in progress. I guess a home always is. I want a peaceful place for my boys to call home whether they live with me or not, a place they can always come home to. I have fought for this, now I am struggling for this. I want them to know that they are loved

Fifth Question: Something that is keeping you from achieving this.

Heaven is our real home and the painting suggests that too. The image is taken from the book of Revelation. The painting depicts the river of life and the tree of life as described in Revelation 22. What keeps us from heaven is what keeps us from peace while on earth. That is sin. Our sins and the sins of others keep us from loving others as we should. Thankfully the way to heaven does not depend on me. Thankfully I can know peace in my heart here and now.

Sixth Question: Jelly beans who are important to you.

Sean, Cassie and Scott

Sean Alexander was named after Sean Connery. We are both a bit Irish. We liked the name and the movie Zardoz. It is a really cool science fiction fantasy. Interestingly enough Sean loves science fiction fantasy. His middle name we thought sounded good with Sean. It is after Alexander the Great. No relation, but we found out later Sean's great grandmother's favorite uncle was Alexander and he was Irish.

Scott Nicholas was names after his father's middle name. We are both a bit Scottish. Nicholas is for Csar Nicholas. We thought it fit with Sean's name. We used to call him Scotty Nick. He was/is adorable.

In the text "From Hidden Names and Complex Fate," Ralph Elllison, like my sons struggle with a BIG middle name. His full name is Ralph Waldo Ellison. A reference to Emerson. It causes him a great deal of confusion as a child. His dad liked to read. As an adult he hid the name with a W.