perplexed

I am tired, near exhaustion. It is physical, mental and emotional.

verb
1. to cause to be puzzled or bewildered over what is not understood or certain; confuse mentally
2. to make complicated or confused, as a matter or question.
3. to hamper with complications, confusion, or uncertainty.
Synonyms:
1. mystify, confound. 2. tangle, snarl. 3. vex, annoy, bother.

John 14:1
Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me.

Rest.

The wisdom of forgiveness

You can’t really understand forgiveness and what it cost until you have been given a very good reason not to forgive. People can do things that really shouldn’t be forgiven. They can do it in a way that shows they don’t have a clue as to why they need forgiveness. Most of the time they go merrily on their way seemingly unaffected and you are left holding the emotional baggage. Thinking… “what the heck was that all about… why did this person feel the need to ------- fill in the blank.”
We are in need of extending forgiveness because we shouldn’t be left holding the bag. Let it go. Easier said than done, believe me I know, but oh so worth it.

Forgiveness costs us. It cost us our comfort zone. I am comfortable living in the past remembering the bad things people have done. Maybe it makes us feel superior to people. See how rotten they are. Maybe it makes us feel important. Maybe we just can’t ignore the hurt that is caused as we remember a hurt. I have a friend whose husband asked for a divorce on Christmas day. That is what he wanted for Christmas. She has never told me, but I can imagine there is never a Christmas where there is at least the potential for reliving the pain of that day. All you need for that trigger is Christmas day.

Forgiveness costs us facing the pain, but doing it in a new way. Seeing it for what it is and choosing to let it go. There is a need for the supernatural element of prayer here. I do not believe we forgive naturally. It is against our nature. We forgive supernaturally, trusting that God will continue to do the good work in us.

Forgiveness costs us our comfort zone because it demands that we look at ourselves and see our part in the situation. It may mean admitting we are wrong too and in need of forgiveness ourselves. It costs us the discomfort of seeking reconciliation where possible. Reconciliation isn’t always possible, but one should be willing to allow God to work. If we are willing God will work.

When I was younger I was in a recovery group and we were studying the steps on making amends, just being willing to do what is needed on our part to make things right. Someone told how they owed someone money and had never intended to pay the person back. In their step study they became willing to pay back the money. They had not seen the person in years and didn’t know where the person lived. That week they stopped at a rest stop on I-95 and ran into the other man. My friend told the man he was in recovery and needed to make amends. He gave the money to the man he owed and asked for forgiveness.

That is being willing to make things right and God working. We all need that.

What forgiveness gives in return is a closer relationship to God and perhaps the other person. We are free from the burden that was not ours to carry. It allows God, not us, to discipline the person if they continue to sin. If in being forgiven the person changes his ways than we have been a witness for the Lord or have turned another brother from his sin. All reasons to rejoice. Nothing good comes from us setting ourselves up as judge. We stop the work of God in our lives and do not allow the Holy Spirit to work in the situation. We give non-believers an inaccurate picture of God.

But if we forgive… we set in motivation the Spirit of God to work.

In that God will bless.

From My Sister's Kitchen Window You Can See the Foot Hills

Psalm 121
A song of ascents.

I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;
the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.

From my sister's kitchen window you can see the foothills of northern Alabama. When it rains the mist and clouds float over them in the most beautiful mysterious way. It is easy to imagine God is there breathing LIFE into life.

This Psalm became her Psalm when she was diagnoised with cancer. It will always be her Psalm in my mind. I have learned a lot about living with cancer from her.

I have learned a lot about living with cancer from my friend TJ who helps me understand my sister better. TJ wrote me last month to tell me he hasn't forgotten me. That is good to know.

Live life now the best you can. Breathe. Love. Learn.

forgiven...

Algebra Class Haiku

pink petals
a top
the puddle

rap
drowning out
the rain

the growing distance
between us
is all I have left

When Sunflower Bloom

that
yellow leaf
falls in my path

if I could
walk on
the golden water

fishing
up to
their knees

locust
shaken
in the tree line


I don't know if this is good haiku, maybe it resonates with you. It is the bike ride I took midsummer.

Out of Breath Under the Stars

Out of breath under the Stars are many thoughts and those that rise to the top of this stream of consciousness get out and we walk around it, observing the nuances… the stars twinkle and I think I see a satellite move across the sky. I ask why. I ask but first I confess to just not wanting to. I hurt. And I don’t want to hurt. But I see in me something raw and misplaced and I know it won’t make things easier for anyone. You… me… So I say I am sorry for saying no I won’t, I can’t. That is when the softness of the night floods through to the back of my mind to the top of my head to my toes. We touch me and you. You speak. You guide. You say it is easy; speak kind words, do good. I forget I struggle with trust and am drawn in to this plan spoken softly beneath the stars to me. I feel loved. Not hard. But gentle. I want to be like him. More. I want to let him fill me up instead of my plans and hopes. Let go of the harsh night with the fear of more than I can handle or want. It scares me to want anything.

Psalm 71

sleepless

then shapes now and set in motion what is...

twists and turns I've learned...

The Cost

Jesus told a parable about building a tower and then continued his exposition with an example based on war.

The Cost of Being a Disciple
Or suppose a king is about to go to war against another king. Will he not first sit down and consider whether he is able with ten thousand men to oppose the one coming against him with twenty thousand? If he is not able, he will send a delegation while the other is still a long way off and will ask for terms of peace. In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple.
Luke 14:31-33

Last weekend we celebrated the Fourth of July and in doing so honored the brave men who have fought and died to establish and preserve our freedom. Last week my father attended a gathering of ex POW’s from WWII and the meeting was covered by my friend from high school Mary McCarty. She is a columnist at the Dayton Daily News my hometown newspaper. Mary wrote briefly about my father’s war experience. I have heard his story before. I have read his memoirs where he told more than he ever said, but it was through Mary’s eyes I saw something I had never seen before. I saw a strong young man emaciated to the weight of an adolescence girl who I knew as one who witnessed the holocaust. Sunday morning as I read Mary’s piece I saw him as one who experienced the holocaust and survived. I never put flesh on the reality he escaped when the Allied troop came and liberated him from death.

The cost of war…

A friend of mine recently posted a video by David Wilkerson on the cost of revival; anguish. Both these stories have resonated through my heart and mind over the Fourth stirring my emotions. When we seek revival we surely opt for combat. We need to count the cost before we commit. Revival will cost us. The video talked about the anguish over the lost that motivates us to go, tell and make disciples. The anguish that I perceive is the cost that obedience demands. There is no revival without anguish over the lost or complete obedience to the king. We die to the personal preferences that keep us complacent and keep us from the commitment needed for revival.

My son recently returned from a trip to Asia. I found a card among his belongings, a thank you note from the church there. As I picked it up and read the names a current went through my body as I thought of them, then the persecuted church and then the millions and millions of those who have never heard and I wept.

Play!

to work or play?

Image in the Church

I am writing this as a graphic designer who has worked in a church and who currently works for a private company with a communications person to help the marketing people brand the company. I am an artist and I have come to understand my role in society is to help people with the esthetic element of any given situation. The value an artist has is that he or she understands what beauty is; knows what good design is and what makes those things happen. We are valued for our ability to observe and then articulate our esthetic observations both visually and verbally. (from a talk Joan Davidow director of the Contemporary Museum in Dallas had with my Art Professor Greg Metz, UTD.) We are here to help.

Image both verbal and nonverbal is the message we “put out there” when we communicate within the walls of the church and to those outside our church and more important how we communicate to the un-churched, non-believing world. We need to communicate to membership to be effective. We need to communicate well to avoid confusion and if we do it well to promote unity. It is helpful if we are all on the same page. It helps if we have a clear concise front. If we look stylish, up to date and even slick, well… it doesn’t hurt our cause anymore than dressing up a bit for Sunday worship.

I am not advocating “airs” or a false or misleading image, but just the best image that we can muster. I think I am covered by the scripture reference “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men.” (Colossians 3:23) How much more should we do it with all our hearts when we do it for the Lord?

Nothing insults my esthetic sensibility more than when a church puts little effort into their communication pieces be it print or web if they have the means and the talent to “make much” of the Lord and His work in their local church. Why shouldn't we make Jesus look good, when we know how to make Him look good? Why should my church do something poorly when I have the talent and training to do it well? It should not be. If I am trained in marketing and understand how to target consumers why would I not help my church reach potential member and prospects? Why should the church ignore statistics that help them understand who their neighbor is and what they think?

The local church needs to communicate. We can do it poorly and without purpose or focus, or we can do it well and help reach people and help the people outside the body of Christ understand what one local body of Christ is about. To do it well we need to do it accurately and professionally. We need to be timely in our postings and mailings. We need to check and make sure our links aren’t broken, our information outdated so when people check us out we will look like we are home. We need to communicate like we know what we are talking about. We can sing the praise of the Lord with a well written blog entry, news article or event posting. Whatever we do even if we aren’t doing something, says something. We just need to be doing it well.

But a more important question is when we communicate is what they see what they get? Do we present Jesus correctly in our communications? When people do come to our worship, Bible studies or events, when they participate in community with us do they find Christ in us individually and corporately? Chances are we miss the mark more often then we want to admit. All the more reason why the message, the image we want to present to our membership and those outside the church needs to be communicated often, accurately, articulately and in a pleasing manner.
Keep on keeping on.