Transparency and Comfort

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.
2 Corinthians 1:3-7

I recently meet a woman who shared a prayer request that so pricked my heart I know it bled. As I listened to her very transparent confession and request for a miracle in her marriage I was immediately bonded with her. I have been where she has been and I have walked in her shoes and I cannot get her out of my heart or my mind. And the one thing that I have grieved and have so often thought could never be redeemed is in the sovereignty of God being redeemed… or has the potential to be redeemed.

Whether God can use me in the situation depends on several things. The first already being satisfied and that is a hurting person sharing openly and honestly their burden. Next in the Spirit I received this confession and shared in her suffering. I couldn’t deny that her words left their mark on my soul.

I could amazingly enough, ignore this encounter and walk away not unmoved but unwilling to revisit my past for the sake of another. To tell truth it was incredibly painful for me to even think about where she is right now. The truth of the situation is, I am no longer there. I have walked with God in the midst of anguish and I have survived, I have begun to heal and God is restoring me beyond what I could have ever asked or hoped for.

Why wouldn’t I share the comfort I have received? The only reason I know is that it is costly. It will cost me. It will cost me the pain of remembering. I will have to make myself vulnerable. She may even reject my help, but even in that I know having been there it is because she is unable to receive it at the moment but still very much needs me, needs someone like me to reach out anyway.

We are to be the comfort that God has given us through the sufferings we have walked through with Him. I think it is the highest privilege we have as believers, this bond of suffering.
Will we allow ourselves to be broken again by the lives of people God puts in our paths and will we humbly say, “I have walked were you walked and I can say to you God is good, He never left me. He will never leave you. If you need someone to walk with you, I am here.”

For me this week as my heart bled I knew how far I have come with the Lord in this struggle and how much strength I have gained in relying on Him. Father use me to comfort others.

My Vision

Father's Day Weekend

I need to study Algebra. That is why I am doing laundry and writing a blog. I am doing laundry before Scott gets back from Asia with a whole suitcase of dirty stuff. I missed him all week and thought about how soon he will be in Austin. So I must go to Austin this fall. But first I need to go to Ohio for my parents 60th Wedding Anniversary. Quite a feat, not really they are two of the sweetest people and love birds. My sister and husband have a “Bob and Freda scale of couple cuteness.”For real. Not that they haven’t had their challenges, me included. My dad had a lot to overcome which he did. In the power of Christ, he is one of the sweetest men I know. I have a weakness for sweet men now. They make me weak at the knees. I guess after the antitheists I am only interested in men who could compete in the “Bob and Freda scale of couple cuteness” and score well.

Which brings me to the email my dad sent this week…Wow! I guess I am just really blessed.

I have thoughts on my tired old mind. Some of which i will try to express to you in the evening hours of this good day. I suppose you all know I would not be a father if you my children did not make it into this good place. But you all made it. So here we are ---a family. I’m supposing that your earthly journey has been pleasant at least part of the Time. So here we are getting ready to celebrate the sixtieth year of the union which produced you all---my children I want to do something I have not done before. I want to thank you for the privilege I have had to be your father. The years have galloped by, and here we are at this point in time. This will be a time to be glad together, and reminisce together in love and understanding. I trust you are looking forward to our meeting with much anticipation. I am! but my thoughts are about you all tonight, and I just want to tell you all---you are loved---and thank you for allowing me to be your DAD. I’ll talk to you later.
Much love,
Your father

He sent this Monday. I guess he couldn’t wait until Sunday.

maybe a bit cryptic…

I have been tired all day, most of it emotional. I ended up where I needed to be and heard some things I needed to hear, how’s that for anonymity?

I am grateful for my counselor and amazed at how awful I feel, but also know how far I have come and if I ever had any doubts about decisions I made I should just drop them.

Sometimes you do things and you are not sure if they are a good choice and you just take a leap. I am not sure it is a leap of faith, or just a leap but I am glad I tried to be honest about my feelings. It is a scary thing for me.

This may be a bit cryptic… but then there is the anonymity thing and there is all that has hit me. Like I have these struggles surface big time and I am reeling and I tell someone, so far so good. There are other steps, so to speak, like asking God to remove the struggles I have inside. It was big for me to be able to identify the struggle, separate it out and not let it color everything else, although I am exhausted from trying, I have been able to. I have been able to confess it to someone, able to get it out, able to not make decisions based on it. Whew!

I am looking forward to praying for God to help remove the things I struggle with, I am excited because I think He will. I am excited about what He is going to do inside me. I am thankful for those around me that love me in my struggle, because part of it is not believing I am loved and they love anyway even though I can only grasp it for short periods of time. And After the struggle resurfaced I am amazed I can feel love at all.

Something that goes along with this, because it is a trust thing, I have decided that I am in good enough a place to start allowing friendships at work and at church. I have decided although I have lots of disappointments in the area of friendship, I have granted forgiveness and feel I can embrace people again. At work I have an opportunity to do that, I work with a great group of people. Same is true of my church. And I am acting on it too. I have decided that I have been a good friend in the past and I can continue that despite the loss I have suffered. This is huge for me. I am not basing my future on what people decided. I was a good friend, I loved people and that is what I am determined to do again. I have spent enough time isolating myself. An old friend who has recently renewed a friendship with me told me today…

And like I tell my kids -- you can't control someone else’s reactions - you can only control your actions.

So even though I hurt, I am not making decisions based on that hurt, I am choosing to love. And it isn’t just talk, its tested.