Burden: Will I Dance Before Him?

There is something that God stirs up in my heart over and over again. It is a burden for single moms, particularly single moms with young children. Years ago he gave me a vision of the wounded woman as I call it. I have come to realize as I became a single mom, it was a vision of being a single mom.

I had two visions about the time I went forward in church to make my calling public. The first one was during a quiet time. I sensed women around me crying. There was deep wailing and grief, pain that went to their very core. I had the sensation of my shoulder being wet with their tears, but it really wasn’t. All I can say is it was a sense of it being that way. I didn’t really hear the crying, but felt it.

Then a few weeks later I sensed one women crying, she wasn’t a single woman, she represented many. She was crying like before and she was enveloped in darkness. Then there was a light, like a lamp that came and entered into the very core of her darkness and grief. I knew the lamp was Jesus. I feared the woman was me. (from Vision, Blessed Lady.com)

Heartache abounds in our world and I don’t think it is always expressed. We put on a brave face and do what we must to take care of our kids. My are grown and I can only imagine being alone and on my own with little ones. Where does one find the strength to keep on moving?

I decided last month to take my mentee Tara* out for the afternoon one Saturday in December. I decide to make it special as I could and make it my gift to her. I decided to ask her mom and two year old sister to come. We decided on the Nutcracker Ballet. I soon found a performance online that fit our time frame.

Cheryl* Tara’s mom greeted me Saturday in the lobby of the shelter with excitement and we began our afternoon. With just a few questions I had Cheryl sharing her difficulties and frustrations, her hopes and fear in the car ride up to the Eisemann Center in Richardson. As she talked and shared two realizations occurred to me. First she was a woman of my vision. Second the gift of time and getting out was the most precious gift I could have shared with her. I was glad Tara was anxious to have her mom and sister tag along with us, I thought for a fifteen year old that was different. I also discovered Cheryl’s struggles were not too different from my own and I often feel completely overwhelmed by the task at hand. I differ in the resources I have at hand.

I think knowing our connectedness could make me uncomfortable, but it didn’t, instead I received a burden. I have to commit to helping this woman in whatever way I can. Maybe for now it is prayer and encouragement. Maybe it is just loving her daughter… whatever God lays on my heart. After the drama on Sunday my pastor said the biggest need we have as believers is to make our families bigger. We don't think big enough.

The ballet was beautiful and we all drank its beauty in. The two year old danced in the aisle and I was delighted and never so glad to follow through on an intention as this one.

Cherly has nothing on a worldly scale. She is the poorest of the poor. She wants to preserve what there is of family and nurture it and make it flourish. She wants to provide for her kids. She needs support from a church family and she wonders what her future will bring. And I want to be a part of a dream. I want her to make it.

Cheryl said something that I always thought about when I taught Bible study at the homeless shelter. I could go there and encourage, but I got to go home at night. What Cheryl shared was what is was like to stay. Realizing I could leave made me want to be as genuine as I could in what I taught. I couldn’t throw some scripture at then like a bandaid and go home to my beautiful home and feel proud that I went. So many are afraid to go. But what I bring, what I offer better be real and tested before I ask a lady like Cheryl to listen to me and what I have to say.

Do we walk the walk or talk the talk? Is my faith real enough for the Cheryl’s of the world and will I go and share it? Will I be the beautiful hands and feet of our Lord?


*(not her real name)