That would be me.

Getting ready to watch a film, the Girl with a Pearl Earring. I came home from work and after I helped Scott get ready for Dnow in Oklahoma and SNOW, I took a nap. I woke up at 9:30 and thought it was morning. I hate that feeling like who am I and what am I doing here?

Just a fun story tonight. We have so many elderly people come in because it is Richardson and the neighborhoods haven’t turn over quite yet. There is a lady I love who sells Avon. She is a pastor’s wife who is about 75. Every other week she comes into the shop to fax her order in. This week she tells me that since I have seen her last she has fallen into the Rio Grande.

See I like that, a woman after my own heart I tell her. She went rafting with the Senior Center on a trip to Big Bend. The raft hit a rock and she bounced out of the raft into the river. She told me after her rescue her guide said, “I want you to know you went over with a smile!”

That would be me.

Then another lady came in who is more my age. We were talking and I found out her daughter was in the TVAA High School art show at UTD and won an award. That is just exciting to hear a parent talk about the effect the show had on her daughter. She home schools the daughter, but has private art lessons for her because art recently became an emerging interest. The show helped solidify her decision to attend Austin College in art. I told the mom to have her daughter attend the opening next week of Art of the Everyday because one of the artists in the show is a professor there.

I love all these connections.

Art of the Everyday Art Exhibition Opening Reception
Apr 3(6:30 - 9 p.m.)
Location: Visual Arts Gallery

Part II: March 27 - May 2, 2009The University of Texas at Dallasartist reception: April 3, Friday, 6:30 - 9:00 pm

How very weird... that film is my story.

haiku

fatigue
at the edge
fog makes the city strange

eyes closed
piecing together
what was said

jeweled leaves
beaded
with rain

a note
in his hand
tattered at the edges

Art

If I were going to post today, it would look like a grocery list because I am so tired. But I actually have a lot of interesting thoughts in my head that might actually connect if I could get 7 hours of sleep.

We learned about installation tonight in class. It is very much like graphic design.

Also just for fun when the man from the big press came to pick up the brochure files my boss and I decided to tell him we wanted the printing done Thurday and be just like our customers. It felt so good to be that obnoxious.

We are totally over worked this week, but it is good. We had six pretty bad months, but things are better, as far as work flow. I am getting to do some neat stuff. This week I got some print pieces for my portfolio.

I didn't remember to buy a new umbrella. So I use my broken one tonight. LOL.

I feel like I need to place a photo here. I will do this random things, let's see what I can find.

This is a paper folding I made with Shannon in mind. "beauty for ashes, a garment of praise for my heaviness." She used to pray this scripture for me.

Isaiah 61:3

and provide for those who grieve in Zion—

to bestow on them a crown of beauty

instead of ashes,

the oil of gladness

instead of mourning,

and a garment of praise

instead of a spirit of despair.

They will be called oaks of righteousness,

a planting of the LORD

for the display of his splendor.

haiku for a rainy day

wisteria over
the top of the wall
fragrant

sparrows
pattern the sky
with flight

storm clouds
tip
the lone oak

wind
with
my coffee

Faith, Prayer and Cancer

I work in a small family owned print shop that has been in business for over 30 years in Richardson. We have people come in who have been doing so for many years. We tend to attract people of faith and many of the businesses that use us are faith based, so the incident that happened Thursday isn’t unusual, just really so full of God that I was so jazzed after it happened I knew I needed to write.

I want to set up the situation. I worked all day on a design and was ready to get away from my computer when one of our customers came in. She has taken over my computer before and sure enough she has some last minute changes and asked to use my computer. I was more than happy to get up and go out front and wait on customers. An older gentleman came in and asked me to copy an assortment of medical related papers. We have self service machines, but some people especially older ones don’t want to hassle with the machines, so they have us do the copying.

When I finished up and started to ring him up the man began a conversation with me. “Since I was in here last I have kept myself very busy.”

I said “yes.” I have no idea what he is talking about.

“I get calls from all over to go visit people in the hospital. I get calls to go cheer people up.” He continues.

My father for years until recently had a very active hospital visitation ministry. He is in his mid eighties and not quite as active now. It was just always something as he felt lead to do, sometimes as an elder in his church sometimes not. He just went. Mom often went along. I told the man this and smiled approvingly. I love to hear about people reaching out to others. It makes me feel like there are good people, we just don’t hear about them enough. The man has now piqued my curiosity.

I told him that I write devotionals I wanted to write about him. I am thinking a don’t grow weary of doing good, anyone can do ministry if they want, keep your eyes open sort of thing.
He said “OK, let me tell you my story. I got cancer. I was diagnosed at stage four and because of my age I was told they would treat me for 90 days that was it. So I was lead to believe I had several months to live.”

His eyes are starting to tear up. I know this is very emotional for him. “My two grandson 8 and 10 years old call me and tell me they want to go shopping with me, but that is just an excuse. They justed wanted to get me alone so they could tell me what they have done.”
I am listening intently.

“They called all their friends, all their friends on their sports team and asked them to pray for me. These little boys who they told, told their parents to pray. The parents called their churches and put me on their prayer list. The next thing I know there are church in Dallas, Richardson, Plano, Allen, Frisco all around praying for me.”
We both have tears in our eyes. “I have never heard of such an out pouring of pray for anyone in my life.” His voice cracks.

“When I go to the doctors the nurse chews me out. She tells me this is serious, I should be more worried, but I can’t I just can’t, I am at peace,” he explains to me.

“What kind of cancer did you have?” I asked. He told me Lymphoma. I tell him about my sister. He says he is in remission and the doctor’s are mystified. He said because of his case at Southwestern they have made a new policy on older patients that have been given a poor prognosis. They have decided to not write them off. He said one of the doctors there was studying the relationship between cancer, treatment and the role faith plays in it. He interviewed my new friend for the study.

“But let me tell you the neatest thing that came out of all this difficulty I have suffered. I get a call awhile back from a man who asked me to share his last sunset. What a privileged that was. I drove to Southwestern. We opened the blind so we can see the sun going down and I sat in a chair next to him and we watched the sun go down. Sure enough that was his last one. It was the most amazing thing I have ever done to share that time with another human being.”
I have tears down my checks now.

People call me from all over because they need cheering up. People call me for their family members who have been diagnosed and are so depressed they won’t talk to anyone, but they will talk to me because I have been where they are now. So I go.

I am thinking about all my yuck and the message I got from my friend and prayer partner. She told me “God can use me better this way.” That is what God told her when she was diagnosed with breast cancer. And he has used her, just like this man.

Before he left, he laughed and said I bet the doctors fight over who is going to get the credit for getting me into remission, but we know why I am still here don’t we. Prayer really works and God does heal even today.

I realize I am looking at a miracle of Biblical proportion. He just left the shop… because of the faith of two little boys who loved their grandpa.

Dedicated to: My dad, my sister Mary, Suzy, T.J. and Janet, and Jenia and her mother in law.

Until

Until
things change
and life rearranges
itself I wait.
The drag of the day becomes lighter,
swifter to find what was gone from me,
swifter to draw close to eternity
and the one thing he asks of me,
until things change.
They change now.
The vines that entangle the wooden fence
bare begin to bloom.
The violets creep between the steps
of the garden sweet.
My heart is stolen from you
by the song of a bird that
flew close enough
for me to know
the change.

******

its raining
pear
blossoms

that one sparrow
on the stoplight
rain

At Work

At work I am designing a memorial card. The story behind it is one of the sadest stories I have ever heard. I cannot share it for privacy reasons. Needless to say I had a geat cry at work as I worked on it. This is the poem the mother brought in to use on her daughter, a young bride's memorial card...

When I Die, I Want Your Hands on My Eyes

When I die, I want your hands on my eyes one more time:
I want the light and wheat of your beloved hands
to pass their freshness over me once more:
I want to feel the softness that changed my destiny.

I want you to live while I wait for you, asleep.
I want your ears to go on hearing the wind, I want you
to smell the sea that we loved together,
and for you to go on walking on the sand where we walked.

I want what I love to go on living,
and you who I love and sang above everything else
to continue to flourish, full-flowered:

so that you can reach everything my love directs you to,
so that my shadow passes through your hair,
so they know by this the reason for my song.

Pablo Neruda

Two Things

When I pray, especially when I am fasting I pay particularly close attention to what happens next concerning my prayers.

Today two events were significant. The first was an email from my counselor which included a reading assignment. When I receive these, I usually write about them too. Before I delve into that I want to write about the other significant event.

Art With Brenda

"As for me, I will walk in my integrity,
Redeem me, be merciful with me.
My foot is on a level place.
In the congregation, I will bless Your name."
Psalm 26:11-12

I went gallery hopping with my friend Brenda this afternoon. This was the verse she recently decided to memorize. She spoke this truth to me as we sat at Star Buck talking about Art Ministry. We are beginning to work out the plans to start a Christian visual arts group. Both of us have discussed this with our respective pastors over the last month. We each were unaware of the other ones activity. We decided this was something we need to do together. We think the draw to the group should be city wide. We have the tentative support of our churches.

We are officially in the discovery stage. Brenda is going to investigate the possibility of us starting a chapter of CVAA, the Christian Visual Artist Association in Plano or creating a new group. We want to see what is already happening. My job is to find out what other churches are doing.

Doing the Work with Kathy

“The path I travel in life has everything to do with the people to whom I listen and with whom I seek companionship. Some people walk with me and direct me down a wise path. Other people walk with me and direct me towards a path of destruction. Relationships are important because they have everything to with where I wind up in life.” Winston Smith

I wrote my counselor Friday night with an update of my life. She sent me back affirmation and encouragement and a reading assignment; Wisdom in Relationships.

The short of it was based on Proverbs, how to be wise in your relationships using Proverbs as a guide. That is how the book was written as a book of instruction on dealing with people, how to identify the types of people that will lead you a closer walk with God or those who will take you away from him.

The author first points out that if we tend to look at relationships from the world’s point of view we will become disillusioned. If relationships are only about what we desire or need, we will become disillusioned. For believer there needs to be a greater purpose in our relationships. We need to ask ourselves where we want to go in life. Do we seek God’s greater purpose for our lives or our own selfish desires? We need to ask who we need to be walking with. Every day we live at a crossroads. What will we chose? Will we chose wisely?

To Live is Christ to Die is Gain

Paul writes to live is Christ to dies is gain. He was expressing the fact that he knows when he dies he will be with Christ. What gain is there when we come into your presence? This life will fade away and all will be blessing. Paul’s statement in this; I am ready to go home, but I know you have a task(s) yet for me to do. What you have asked of me in this life is not complete. For me this statement is a question. I don’t think you are ready to bring me into your presence. If you have left me here then there must be something you want me to do. As I fast this weekend that is my prayer. Lord what is it you want me to do? I am leaving this very open ended.

Philippians 1: 18 - 26

“ Yes, and I will continue to rejoice, 19 for I know that through your prayers and the help given by the Spirit of Jesus Christ, what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance. 20 I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. 21For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. 22 If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! 23 I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; 24but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body. 25 Convinced of this, I know that I will remain, and I will continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith, 26 so that through my being with you again your joy in Christ Jesus will overflow on account of me.”

As I reread this is what stands out to me this time is the phrase “convinced of this.” That is my prayer that the Lord will help me in all my doubt to be convinced of this one thing He is asking me to do now. For Paul it was to continue with all of you (his sphere of influence) for their progress and joy in the faith. I think that is a cause worthy of a calling.

I have to ask myself what is my sphere of influence. This brings to my mind something my pastor said to our small group. The way to being a servant leader is through influence. We gain influence by loving and serving people. (my paraphrase). Which goes with my prayer this morning and many mornings… Lord, help me love, help me show people the love you have given to me.

My third reading I see… Rejoice. Paul’s prayer that “through my being with you your joy in Christ will overflow on account of me.”

****

Lecto Divina

Lectio Divina is an ancient Latin term literally translated, "Diving Reading," or "Sacred Reading," that centuries ago was developed into a systemic method of prayer, that is, reading as a basis for prayer.

The Bible Permits Divorce for Nonphysical Domestic Abuse

IOWA CITY, Iowa, Mar. 4 /Christian Newswire/ -- At a time when many Evangelicals insist the Bible prohibits divorce for physical abuse, Waneta Dawn, author of "Behind the Hedge," a novel that portrays abuse in a Christian family, says nonphysical domestic abuse desecrates and breaks the marriage covenant, and is biblical cause for divorce.

A survivor of abuse, and former men's group facilitator for a Department of Corrections batterers intervention program, Waneta Dawn understands the dynamics of abuse from personal and professional experience. She has crafted a powerful story that illustrates how an abuser's sinful pattern of power, control and entitlement permeates every aspect of his family's life, and fractures the mental, social, and spiritual health of each family member, including the abuser's.

Says Dawn, "Over time, controlling behaviors tend to escalate--too often to fatal physical violence. Abuse hinders God's intention for marriage, which is to develop Christ-like character in both spouses, to build a mutually cherishing relationship where spouses consult with and yield to one another, and to provide a safe and loving environment for nurturing children."

"Behind the Hedge" shatters the myth that one incident of physical domestic violence is an isolated knee-jerk response sparked by a fault or act of the victim. Physical violence is a sledgehammer the abuser selects from his tool-belt of devices to dominate his wife and children.

Compounding the devastation, pastors, judges, and child-protection services often toss wife and children into the lap of their tormenter, instead of prosecuting him. Children who live with abusers, tend to resign themselves to the awfulness, or copy the abuser and transmit the destruction to the next generation.

"Behind the Hedge" follows Yvette, a hardworking farmwife, as she grapples with biblical submission, and protects their daughter, Tanya. While Yvette craves warmth and love, her husband, Luke, twists scripture to force compliance from her. After discovering Luke's theology is non-biblical, Yvette applies scriptural truth that sets her free, endeavors to correct the beliefs of their teenaged sons, Greg and Kyle, and offers Luke an opportunity for redemption.

Published by Xulon Press, "Behind the Hedge, A novel," winner of the 2008 Christian Choice Books Awards, is an excellent resource for learning biblical and compassionate responses to the controversial, but urgent, issue of domestic abuse among Christians. Waneta Dawn is available for comment at 1(319) 471- 5276 or email at wanetadawn@yahoo.com www.wanetadawn.com
Christian Newswire

Rage

This is an assignment for class. We had to write about a deadly sin. One of the seven. I chose rage.

Rage

For Melanie’s birthday Rachel took her to the Contemporary Museum of Art to an opening. The evening would be their last one together before Melanie’s baby came. Rachel knew the baby would change things. It was a wonderful time. As they walked out into the star covered night and headed towards the car Rachel’s heart was full and happy.

On the way home Melanie opened up to Rachel and shared a story from her past about disappointment in love. Rachel felt close to her friend and grateful she trusted her with intimate details of her life. So when Rachel opened the back door to her house and was confronted by Max her husband she was thrown totally off guard.

“The freakin paint is pink!” Max stood at the doorway and would not let Rachel in. “Pink. What were you thinking when you picked the freakin paint out.”

Rachel’s countenance fell, her stomach turned. She felt ill. Her knees went weak as she slid past Max into the hallway that connects the garage to the kitchen.

In the family room where the finishing touches of the remodeling were underway Rachel looked up at the area Max had been painting to see what he could possibly be talking about.

“The color is ash. It is a gray blue, maybe a hint of purple, but towards the blue.” she explained, “It matches the veins of color in the marble.”

“Freakin’ pink and I don’t know how I am going to freakin’ live with this crap. And I sure as hell am not going to freakin’ paint the stupid room again.”

Max stormed out of the room while tears welded up in Rachel’s eyes and she whispered to herself, “not pink.”