Church

Oh church today... we celebrated communion, I mean celebrated. It is a sweet little congregation in west Plano in the most beautiful neighborhood of Willow Bend. I love to look at the big houses as I drive in from my mid city home. I look at the gardens. My gaze never makes it to the houses. I do wonder what it would be like to have a garden like some of the ones I see, a piece of heaven I am sure.

The sanctuary is dark and the first thing I notice is the fragrance of the candles that lite the sanctuary front. My friend hasn’t shown so I slipped easily back into my hiding place by the post in the fifth row to the side. I can see all, but I am not really seen, or so I hope. I have been nearly invisible for a year or more. It is what I have needed. I know people, I shake hands but I do not let many cross the line of self protection I have drawn. I pat my own back and assure myself, “most people who have been through what I have would never darken the door of a church, much less the same denomination… in the same city.” But I have and I am glad that people allow me to heal silently among them. They don’t seem to mind, but gently urge me to take the next step. They know. Many have been where I am in some way, shape or form. All around me I am reassured that this too shall pass and I will be able to let down my guard and will always be welcome.

Then the music starts and I close my eyes. I open them to find everyone standing so I stand up and only listen. I need to only listen today.

Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus… washes over me and I know that God is speaking. He always seems to show up and continue the conversation I have had all week.

The sermon was the intro to communion; broken and pour out, the story of Mary’s anointing of Jesus before he entered into his passion. It was for me centered on the theme of worship and focus. It seemed to address some of my struggles of the last few weeks, calling me deeper into communion with Him. I have been fasting all weekend. Except for a small meal of fruit and vegetables I have not eaten since Friday noon and I realize that communion will break my fast. There is an immediate picture, practical in that He shows me that He is my sustenance, the source of life and all. This is a picture I believe he has longed to paint for me for awhile. His timing is perfect.

Pastor Dave reads from a writing on the nard that was poured out on Christ and how it lingered in this hair and clothes while he suffered. I do not know if Dave wrote it or not, if he did, he needs to write more, because it was so powerful a story… the fragrance of worship in the midst of suffering.

Jesus, Jesus precious Jesus, Oh for grace to trust him more.