Thoughts on Ezra

I am reading the book of Ezra. Although I have read it before, I don’t remember every really looking closely at the book. While working my way through the first few chapters this week several things stood out to me.

God speaks to me, a piece here and a piece there. If I am faithful to spend time alone so I can reflect on what He is speaking to me through various mediums and people, through the circumstances of my life, there is a message or better yet a new chapter of my life to write. A narrative is created with theme, character, setting and all the things that make up good literature, all waiting for someone, me, to write them down.

On Monday I read that the people are given permission to return to Jerusalem to rebuild the Temple. They were in captivity in Babylon making the theme of Ezra the fulfillment of God’s promise for the restoration of Israel after 70 years. Chapter one begins with Cyrus the king of Persia having a change of heart as prophesied by Jeremiah. A decree is written and the people are given permission to return to rebuild the temple. Again God moves hearts, this time the hearts of the people to return to do the work. Then the hearts of their neighbors are moved to give to this endeavor with articles of gold, silver, goods and livestock, valuable gifts and freewill offerings. (Ezra 1:5-6)

My reaction to chapter one was WOW! That is so exciting. How easily I can relate to their joy. In the circumstances of my life I am in a period of restoration; a new job, with new friends and opportunities. I was recently honored when I won an art show. I have support of those around me. I am on the mend and my life has opened up in some exciting ways.

Where are you in your life; a time of exile or restoration? Can you remember a time like the Israelites experienced in Ezra?

In chapter two of Ezra on Tuesday I encountered a genealogy. In the early hours of the morning a genealogy can be mind numbing. I have learned to look for truth within them. What I found (with the help of a study Bible) was that 4,289 priest’s hearts were moved to return while only 74 Levites made that decision. The comment in the Ryrie Study Bible was that this was due to their inferior status because they were not ministering priests.

I pondered this. Do we do that? Say I am not a minister, on staff, part of a deacon body or head of a ministry, so I am not moved to go where the Spirit of God is leading? Maybe I am not upfront and center, acknowledge for what I do, so I decide to sit in the pew and sulk or worse, make a decision for comfort and a life of little risk. Do I stay at home in Babylon or return to Jerusalem where restoration and joy waits?

I pray my heart will be moved by God towards restoration.

Chapter three, day three was even more interesting. The Israelites settled in and began the work. First they rebuilt the foundation for the altar so that a sacrifice could be given. They celebrated the Feast of the Tabernacles then laid the foundation of the Lord’s temple. They did this with shouts of praise:

“He is good;
His love to Israel endures
Forever.” Ezra 2:11b

The day I received the offer for my new job I was able to go to a concert of prayer in an outdoor venue with thousands of people and shouts aloud to the Lord that He is good! This is the absolute best way to celebrate restoration. I am in awed of God’s timing of the events in my life.

In Ezra’s account, however, he noted:

But many of the older priests and Levites and family heads, who had seen the former temple, wept aloud when they saw the foundation of this temple being laid, while many others shouted for joy. No one could distinguish the sound of the shouts of joy from the sound of weeping, because the people made so much noise. And the sound was heard far away. (Ezra 3:12-13)

This was of interest to me because it so illustrated the emotions of my personal restoration which consist of both joy in the restoration and grief over the memories of the destruction of what is being restored. The sounds of my restoration are not subdued, the emotion is raw and loud and powerful. Seeing this passage helped me in that I know the grief of the older priests is over the fact that the new temple did not have the magnificence of the former grandeur of Solomon’s temple. This is a warning to me. Because I am sure that those who pleased God that day were those voices that lifted up shouts of joy. I am reminded of Isaiah 43:18-19:

Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland.

My prayer is to rejoice, rejoice, rejoice.

The first chapters of Ezra invite us to consider our lives as we walk in God’s restoration. First will our hearts be moved? As leadership will our hearts be moved? As the people will we be ready to walk in restoration? As those around people in need of restoration are we moved to support them? Will the foundation of our restoration be worship? Will we sit in the pews or join the task at hand? Can we say God is good? How will we react; with grief over the former things or joy and certainty that God is doing a new thing?

Don't Forget to Take Time for Yourself

That is what my art instructor told me when I ran into him outside his office picking up my notebook for gallery management class. It wasn't a call be to selfish, but a call to take time to be creative. It takes focus and commitment. Sometimes I see someone's work and it says the same thing to me, take time to be creative, develop your art, your writing, your creative voice. Dance with Life and sing, whatever it is you do, live it, celebrate it, just make sure you do it. I like when I hear a song, see a painting, a movie and it makes me long for more. I makes me want to pick up a pen and write. Makes me glad I am alive and connected.
Four of twelve, that I have not finished, but should. Prismacolor is divine and this were part of a dream. 6 x 4 inches

My stationery, but I can't use these they aren't my photos, but I am working on the source files, for the watercolors and pencil drawings. The dream is they are for missions and the message is be beautiful.

Unfinished

Capturing the Unseen

There is a group of photographers I have collected as friends online from all over the world. We connect through our photos and some of us through our faith. I purposely seek out people of faith who use their talent to tell people about God.

There is someone who in particular always touches me with her work. She works with homeless teen who are runaways. Takes their portraits and loves them, tries to let them know there is Hope. Her motto is Capturing the Unseen. I wrote her tonight and she wrote back and asked for prayer. It was one of those God moments. I saw one of her pieces; it is called A message of love sealed with a single tear. It hit me deep inside so I wrote. It is so “weird” how God works. How I am connected to a young girl I have never met, may never meet until heaven and she loves photography, is drawn to the homeless like I am and loves God, walks with Him and struggles.

I planned to write about loving people and taking risks, because love is about taking risks. It feels like speaking in the dark, not knowing if you are heard, understood or loved back sometimes. We shouldn’t wait and expect another to make us feel loved if we aren’t willing to move in their direction. Moving towards another can even feel like being foolish. My Friend reminded me tonight to speak in the dark when prompted by love. She reminded me of the risks we take when we love and walk with someone who struggles, there is no guarantee they won’t disappoint us, but we risk and we walk.

I am so in awe of the God who connects us all.

Live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Ephesians 4:1b -2

The art of relationship

I have been painting the last few days in oils. I have also begun the process of doing a series of watercolors. I have the beginnings of a mixed media piece on the way. I am up to my eye balls in art and I am loving it. But it is a love/hate relationship sometimes, well maybe not hate, but I do this highly dissatisfied thing. The artist is intense and she knows what she wants and she is dedicated to doing it. Some times at a great sacrifice of time and energy. But it is love and it is good and it is what she does. It is passion.

Let me back peddle. I am finishing up oils I started two years ago. I have six in the works and they are large. That means time, lots of paint time. The watercolors will go faster. Watercolor in my primary art language. I have been doing them since I was a little girl. I absolutely love to watercolor, not so much drama in them. We get along well. I have the reference photos printed out and the paper sized. The next step which I thought I would do tonight but ran out of time, is put down a simple outline. My outlines help me not get lost on the paper. They give me a feel for the space I am working in.

The mixed media piece is a concept piece and I am still working out the reference work and concept pieces are usually very emotional or trippy. I wanted to do this to enter a show, but I can tell there is going to be a good deal of work in this to do it right. So I will allow it to work itself out from a concept to art. (Like giving birth, real drama)

For the show I now want to submit the portrait of Me, Elysa and Judy; Hear No Evil, See No Evil, Speak No Evil. People who have seen it seem to like it. But I have some serious problems with it and lots of work. I need to submit a photo next Friday. If accepted I have six weeks to finish the piece, plenty of time. I am just going for it.

All this said to orient you to what I wanted to say. When I work on a piece I have lots of time to think. All kinds of things come up. It can be wild. Not that tonight was so wild. But I have been praying about something in particular that I have been having trouble feeling and accepting. And it is out there now. I don’t know how this works. I guess I just am in better tune with myself and my emotions and I have lots of time to listen to God.

I was thinking how relationships are like paintings. How as they are in progress they aren’t always much to look at. Sometimes I don’t even like to show the paintings because the colors aren’t right. There are usually three layers of paint to be put down, until I feel the piece is finished. I am referring to the oils. Each layer of color I get closer to the shade I really want. It takes time, it takes patience, it takes skill and I have an idea of where I am going and I have done this before so I have some confidence that it works. The finished product is beautiful. You can get close up and look and it is beautiful. But that isn’t true in the process.

It looks bad sometimes, the colors are off, the canvas shows through, the edges are rough, the constrast bad and I see after each session what needs to happen next. Sometimes there is too much to do and there is wet paint and unless you want a mess, you just have to stop for a few days. You have to step back and look at it. I go back and look several times a day. I get other people to look too and tell me what they see. I am a lot more patient with painting sometimes than relationships. But I got to think about it tonight and I am ok with this process in real life. I think it will be beautiful.

Integrity

Peter replied, "Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. Acts 2:38 NIV

My Sunday school class of second, third and fourth graders was 100% sure it was stealing. The beauty of this age is how they see things in black and white. I think God lets us see the world more clearly through their eyes. What a mistake to assume you cannot learn from a child, after all the kingdom of God is entered like a child. I see why.

We were talking about how God wants us to confess our sins and when we don’t we are guilty and we feel guilty. We talked about how it was one thing to confess to God and another to confess to another person. We were emphasising the word repentance which mean agreeing with God and then doing the right thing. One of the discussion questions was, “what if you went to a store and bought some toys and when you got home and realized the cashier didn’t charge you enough for them, what should you do and why?” They were sure you should pay. You should go to the store and tell the cashier that you weren’t charged enough and you wanted to pay for the toy.

“What if they said, don’t bother?” No they insisted you still need to pay. If you don’t, the class all agreed it was just like stealing even if it wasn’t your mistake, even if it was inconvenient to return to the store and pay.

“What does it feel like when you do the right thing?”

“Great!”

This week I went to the store and bought picture frames for a fund raiser for a church mission trip. We are auctioning off photos the teens took during their last trip. When I got home after a long day at work, I discovered the cashier hadn’t charge me enough. “How inconvenient!” I thought. “What if I take the time to go back and they say, don’t worry about it?” Then I heard one of the little boys in my class say with certainty. “It’s stealing!”

“Yes, he is right, it is stealing.” I decided to go back the next day. If I am a God follower I need to have integrity and integrity starts with the little things. It is simple enough for a child to understand. Funny how with adults the lines sometimes gets blurred? Thank God for the little children. Integrity is doing the right thing even when no one is looking.

I took my receipt in and told the cashier I was undercharged and I wanted to pay for another frame. I had a reply ready if she said, “don’t bother.” I planned to tell her my grade school kids that I help teach Sunday school are sure it is stealing and I need to have integrity if I want to faithfully teach them.

But she didn’t. She took my money and smiled and said, “thank you very much for doing this.”

How did it feel?

Great!

First Thing, Seek God with all Your Heart

Often as a seeker after God scriptures verses intersect my life. It is at that point of intersection that I find myself pulled in for further meditation. Recently several verses intersected along with an email from a new friend.

O God, you are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water.
Psalm 63:1

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.
Hebrews 11:6

These two verse intersected with the word earnestly seek, which although is two words in English, in both Hebrew and Greek, one word. The Hebrew word implies not just earnest seeking as in effort, but first effort, to seek early. As always seeking after God implies prayer and quiet devotion alone with God and as most people who practice daily prayer insist to not let your feet hit the ground until your heart has been lifted in prayer. There is something about that priority that pleases God and will bring a harvest of rewards if diligently practiced.

To diligently seek God most certainly means daily in our life, but I want to expand that to include early in the events of our life. Early in our relationships we should seek God, early in our new businesses, job starts, early in our investments of time and certainly in a ministry start prayer should come first. As our new Children’s Director has come on board, even before her office hours have begun, she has initiated a time of prayer with her workers. Because we have one service when we serve we miss worship. We are able to listen to the sermon online during the week, but we still miss the praise time. So starting this week she is meeting with those who earnestly desire to meet with God in this effort to come and listen to the praise band practice and then go off for a time of corporate prayer for the church and the children’s ministry in particular. How excited I am to see her first steps in ministry to be so God honoring and to be invited to join her in this.

Lord, help us to see the value of our earnest prayer to you. We know like the heroes of the faith in Hebrews we may never see the outcome of our efforts in full on this earth, but let the knowledge that our earnest seeking pleases you is our reward.

True Devotion

I decided to devote myself to writing devotionals this summer. After a discussion in my small group I decided my first devotional should be about what true devotion is. Since we are drawing our discussions from a book of devotionals centered on the spiritual disciplines, it is from that context that I write. Meanwhile as part of the Creative Arts Ministry at my church I receive emails from our worship leader. To encourage us to think deeper he sent us three quotes asking us to put them all together.

The first one is a quote by Oswald Chambers:

Faith never knows where it is being led, but it knows and loves the One who is leading.

The second quote is from Paul in a letter to the church at Corinth:

Don't you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit,
who lives in you and was given to you by God?
You do not belong to yourself,
for God bought you with a high price.
So you must honor God with your body.
1 Corinthians 6.18-20

The third quote is from a sermon our worship leader heard somewhere, sometime ago:

We are not physical beings having a spiritual experience;
we are spiritual beings having a physical experience.
~ unknown

I thought that the quotes fit within the idea of true devotion. As I meditated over these and considered the small group discussion I formed a question that I wanted some direction on and that is if the desire of my heart is to be truly devoted to God, how do I do that?

First I needed to define true devotion. The dictionary defines devotion as “profound dedication; consecration, earnest attachment to a cause, person, etc” (Random House). The acts of devotion consist of the spiritual disciplines; praying, fasting, studying the scriptures, giving, giving of oneself. These spiritual disciplines are the how of devotion but also are the how to honor God with your body. Often when I think of 1 Corinthians 6.18-20, I think of the not what to do’s. Yes, we are to rid ourselves of the things that hold us back from devotion to God, but that alone is not enough, we need to do, to exercise our spiritual muscle in order to be established in the faith.

We can fall short of devotion in the practice of the spiritual disciplines if they are not practice with the disposition of love. We can seek to improve our disposition but if we do not have in mind the interests of others, we fall short. Spiritual discipline is not self improvement, it is devotion to God. I think Oswald Chambers describes in the quote that devotion to God is loving, listening and abiding or making our home with the One who leads us.

How can we say we have moved further in a life of devotion to God if we cannot tolerate the short falls of others, nor lend a hand to the suffering? Even beyond that if we do not make the things of God our focus striving to understand and live out God’s higher purpose in our lives, then we very well may be devoted, but to what, only our own concerns. I think this is where the third quote comes in. We desperately need to see things differently, really inversely from the world. I have to admit I never thought of my time here on the earth as a spiritual being having a physical experience, but it works. And I think it helps put self concern, worries about what we will eat or drink or what we will wear into perspective. All these things will fade away when we pass from this life and enter fully into a relationship with the Father.

How then do we start? How do we start to a life of devotion to God? Change your thinking, do something that builds spiritual muscle and do it all in love, so as to not do it in vain.

Chill

I do push myself. And today well, I went over a line that I won’t do again ever. There were many contributions to this; finals, new job, allergies, Carolen put something in my hair that smelled (it smelled good but being allergic to most perfumes I suspect it was too much) I was fasting, maybe my contacts were in the wrong eye, but I got a headache which I IGNORED, until it got me. I tried to eat, took some Tylenol, couldn’t eat, laid down, thought of taking my life because I was is so much pain, I couldn’t believe, tired to cry, (bad idea) threw up, slept for 2 hours and was glad I didn’t have the flu. I am fine. Just feel worn out after cleaning my closet, color organizing the clothes.

I stayed up til three thirty last night watching the Kite Runner which left me disturbed and also asking, was this and that plausible? (creative writing class does that to you) I woke up and laid there thinking it was 9ish. Found out it was almost time to leave for my haircut. No quiet time. I never miss that and I hate it. I wanted to write all morning. I have a meeting tomorrow which is technically today, Sunday. Still hope to find time to write, but I am skeptical. I want to ride my bike and I am not supposed to push myself. So, there ya go, my always dilemma, there is more to do that I want or need to do than I have time or energy for.

I was writing about devotion, what true devotion means. And I am too tired to write now, but I will. When you wait four months, a semester, to do what you want or need, then it piles up and I can get overwhelmed, so today I picked a few things and because I pushed, I got sick and I didn’t get to write. I know, I know Jesus is telling me to chill and He is serious here.

Movement

It has been interesting to watch the dynamics of my world change over the last few weeks, or maybe it is more like the last few months corresponding with the seasons changing. Seems slow, there is a sense of change that comes first followed by evidence of the reality of change, or God moving.

So I am moving on to a new chapter of my life. I hope to find some remnants of myself carried forward, like the strength and faith that moved me through the hard times. I hope to reclaim some, like a sense of ease that allows me to notice the way the sky changes or how someone tells a story, the newest flower that has bloomed in my yard.

The first thing I did after receiving and accepting the job offer was to drive to Frisco and sit with my church family and shout songs aloud like “How Great is Our God,” while the sun set through wisps of clouds defying the chance of rain and giving us the best conditions for an evening of prayer and praise.

The Tree and the Storm

This is just a little whisper from God. On Sunday we had Communion. We all went up front and took the elements that were "packaged" for us. A very different experience in that. Unfamiliar with the feel and taste of the wafer and the logistics of opening the sealed cup as to not spill its contents, I stood and said a silent prayer, then relatively quickly moved back to my seat. I didn't think I had made much of communion in that I do like to make it memorable. We were asked to think about how communion celebrates community. Since the front of the church was crowded, it did do just that. I just wanted something more is all I can explain. I went to the front with a prayer to enter more fully into community to not hold back from it out of fear of rejection or any other reason.

When I got back to my seat and sat down, I started to think of my short story, or I suspect it was brought to mind, because I "saw" the tree that Rachel huddled under and clung to was in fact the cross and in my story she is being wooed not only by David, but Jesus. It is a pretty strong image in my life, that storm and that Tree and how we all need to go there and meet Him.

Someone recently asked me why creativity is messy. I found some amazing photos that almost explain why, though words nor even images will ever be able to tell this story. Now that's art.

It is about taking risks and not being afraid to shine.

The Storm

From my prayer journal….
I need to write, help me make it great. Help me raise the question about change. Help me not pull back from feeling it as I write. This is power packed for me. I even thank you that they laughed in class, because it make me want to show them and helps me really go at it. Help me learn how to write, to learn all the technical stuff, to overcome my weaknesses, to overcome discouragement.

Then the answer to the prayer…
God must really have a sense of humor or He really likes to listen to my prayer and thrill me just for fun.

I have been rewriting my short story all morning. It includes a “tornado scene.” The idea for the scene germinated the night I slipped out of class and found myself in a torrential downpour only to later learn that the storm contained cloud rotations although a funnel cloud was never sighted.
I did some laundry and as I was hanging it out on the line, I notice some darkish clouds. Then I laid down for a nap. I was awakened by the sound of rain pounded on my roof. The bathroom in my bedroom has a skylight which magnifies the sound of the rain enough to wake me. I ran outside to get my laundry off the porch and was driven back by the wind and the rain and the lightening which lit up the darkened sky completely as I tried to step outside.

I ran and got my camera and tried again to go outside this time to capture the downpour. But the rain was coming down in sheets and coming in under my back porch. I did not want to get my new camera wet, so I went inside. Then I thought of Rachel in my short story and I decided to journal about the rain. I pulled a chair up got my notebook and started scribbling this mess of words while I sat in the half darkened room.

If Rachel was just under a tree she soon would be completely wet if not perhaps knocked off her feet. She needed to huddle under the tree. She would be completely wet and shaking from cold and fright. She couldn’t sit down on the ground because it would be a puddle of water. She would have to hunch over, head tucked, hands around her knees.

I notice the thunder come close and far away diminished in its effect at irregular intervals but almost continuously even after the rain subsided. The lightening came in flashes, it sliced across the sky lighting up the darkened sky that looked as dark as if the sun is about set. The thunder crashes and rolls and crashes. The rain picks up again as another band of storms moves in, lightening flickers across the sky, rain pounds, beats, pours sheets, whips, drips.

I realize I want vindication for this story I am writing. I realize David has made Rachel feel shabby. I want vindication for Rachel who didn’t do anything wrong, but feels betrayed. Rachel loves beauty and she doesn’t know why she was treated shabby. Like the art she loves she wants to rise above the situation. She wants to see it from a light that will bring restoration. She wants to understand. She is angry. It is her anger that motivates her to try and find answers. Anger doesn’t fit well into her world. She is uncomfortable in its skin. She is surprised by it and its power.

David was shabby, made shabby by his behavior, his treatment of women. He wants change; he is looking for a new life, building one by working on himself, looking outside himself to help others.

The storm is the agent of change thrusting Rachel into a situation she doesn’t understand, causing David to see himself still in need of change. Do they turn back or move ahead?