Reflections on Mentoring and Being Mentored

I have been thinking about mentoring a lot this week. There are several reasons for this. First I am writing two papers; overviews of articles about research done on the effectiveness of mentoring. Secondly, I am in a mentoring relationship and I would like to be more deliberate in what I do.

There was some good news for me; I am intuitively doing what the researchers suggest. One of the big factors in successful mentoring is enjoying the relationship. Another is having things in common. So my love of art and my mentee's desire to have an art teacher makes us a mentor/ mentee relationship positioned for success. The fact that we have continued for over 3 months and have committed to continue is another mark of success. We have done some goal setting, portfolio work to help my mentee apply to the Arts Magnet school. Having the deadline pass and having to wait until next year, we have drifted into another focus. It is one that Tara identified for me. Since art class is so structured she wants to explore and experiment with different processes and medium. That leads to another measure of success, the mentor enabling the mentee to be exposed to experiences that they would not have available to them expect through the mentor. Another objective which I have not acted on but have considered is helping Tara connect to the arts community in Dallas. That would mean going to shows and exhibits. I would like to plan an outing outside the center sometime next month and plan to seek permission to do that. It may not be allowed. I don’t know. So reading this week has been very encouraging to me, but also challenging to me. It helps me see that what I am doing has the potential to shape Tara’s view of her world to one where she sees there are people who care for her and want to see her succeed. She tends to pull away because the people she comes into contact are so transient. She fears attachment. That makes me want to take care to be faithful to the relationship by being consistent and communicating her worth as a person. I want to continue to take an interest in her art and its development because it is important to her. Really examining this relationship this week makes me kind of amazed at how God brought us together and hopeful in what He can accomplish thought it. I know that I am equally blessed by the relationship.

Another relationship that has come to the forefront this week is my relationship to Suzy, my Spiritual mentor from California. She contacted me about her daughter. Christy had surgery this week to have a tumor remove from her female organs. We still do not know the lab results but the doctors do not think it is cancerous. Also she did not have to have a hysterectomy. That is a praise, because Christy is only 30.

Suzy and I have walked through so many crisises together. I love that she is still very much in my life after all these years. My boys were young when she was my neighbor. She really took me under her wing and helped me with parenting skills. She loves Sean and Scott and it was very apparent in her interaction with them. (Lots of pop cycles, there is a story with that.) When I was reading this week about mentoring I also thought of Suzy. I want to address this because of what my ex said about her. He told his counselor and others that I never allowed him to be the spiritual leader. He cited Suzy among other as people whom I depended on instead of him. Like my doing so robbed him of something. The truth is my consistent prayer was for him to lead. My relationship with Suzy enhanced my ability to communicate and love him in practical ways. That was the nature of her response when I got up the courage to share just a little of my struggles with her when we spent time together as friends and neighbors. She used to encourage me to talk to my ex about the problems we were having. She was a Titus 2 woman for sure. It bothers me that my ex would twist that relationship when in truth he benefited from it. I wanted to write this publically because she has been spoken about publically and it is a shame.

What transpired in our relationship was this. I was strong in Bible study, she was strong in prayer. I learned to really pray. She was encouraged to use God’s word to discern truth. She had numerous family member involved in Christian cults and things they taught she rejected but they were very confusing to her. I was able to help her. She was the first person besides my parents to really love me unconditionally. It made a huge impact on me. It still does.