Saturday is art

Went to the center and spent the time with my mentee. We drew together for an hour and a half. I talked and then we drew silently together. Being silent with a person takes trust. Some people can’t do it, but must fill the space between you and them up. I think if you can leave it empty and just be with that person, it is the most intimate thing you can do. She has quite a lovely spirit. She hasn’t shared her sorrows, but some of her struggles. She holds back, but is there too. I can’t wait until her guard comes down. Things take time and she is timid and I do understand that. God was very, very good when he opened this door.
At Willow Bend we talk a lot about being the church. I guess that means worshipping God with service. I know I haven’t settled in there as I should, just as I can, as I heal. The best thing is how they allow me to be, just be there with all the craziness I bring and allow me this time. I have been deeply missing fellowship and wanting a group or a person to pray with. Collin’s mom (B-boy friend of Scott’s) invited me to a women’s Bible study that meet Sunday morning. I am going, it is time to connect and stop being afraid. I want to be back to normal even though I do not know what that means.
This morning God spoke to me through the Psalms Psalm 127 where it says…
Unless the LORD builds the house,
its builders labor in vain.
Unless the LORD watches over the city,
the watchmen stand guard in vain.
In vain you rise early
and stay up late,
toiling for food to eat—
for he grants sleep to those he loves.
I struggle so hard to keep it all together. It doesn’t seem possible, so if I am going to make it, you all will have to say Jesus held her together. Because this is way too big for me.
I had to ask is the Lord building this house or am I reacting to my past and my hurts and struggles and then wondering why it isn’t working. Because it isn’t working. I want the Lord to build this house, this new life. I have a chance to do it, That means now.
I don’t want anything less than that… a house God built.