Winter Solstice


mums
my sister sent
black with frost

a swollen sun
reddens
the canal


waterflowers
mud root
our blood deeper than...


old wound
wintered grass dances
while i cry


frog pond Volume V Number 1
The Haiku Society of America 1982


When I was alone... left to my thoughts and I tried to express my inner self... this is what I would have written. I have written this over and over again in many forms and in many times and places. I was alone and in pain. I missed my family. I tired very hard to put a life together for myself, to reach out and make friends. I became very good at it. My friends were a life line to sanity and wholeness. I suffered silently. I tired to work on myself, I worked on the marriage, my part. It just never worked.
It was my dark secret. I was the unloved woman. I tired to figure it out. It has never changed. It was from the beginning to the end. The happiness I had, the life I had, I had for the most part on my own. There were good times, just enough like a junkie with a drug to keep me going, hoping, believing things would change for the better. Then one day God said he had enough. He was going to take me out and place me on a high place. Still I tired to save the marriage.
So when the blue apple girl goes back into the abusive relationship, I think I understand her insanity. Believing things will change.